this story is starting to sound super cool!! i think the pov exploration is cool, theres potential for some interesting different (maybe even conflicting??) perspectives!
and tbh i have a lot of trouble with show dont tell as well, but something i've found to be useful recently is i just write what i write in the first draft, even if its all boring straightforward description or over-elaboration, and when i go back to edit, it's easier to tell where i should be showing and where i should be telling and i can add in the appropriate modifications! good luck!!
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momijizukamori
no subject
Date: 2015-12-27 09:56 pm (UTC)and tbh i have a lot of trouble with show dont tell as well, but something i've found to be useful recently is i just write what i write in the first draft, even if its all boring straightforward description or over-elaboration, and when i go back to edit, it's easier to tell where i should be showing and where i should be telling and i can add in the appropriate modifications! good luck!!